The toilet, or the rest room, a confined space that I learned to appreciate and literally escape to, thanks to MS. Thorough the years dealing with MS, I had the possibility to experience and maybe enjoy several aspects to this commodity usage and duration.
That’s how the toilet became my sanctuary to deal with my bowel issues and other MS related problems.
“Hold it, hold it”, I used to tell myself…
“Hold it, hold it”, I used to tell myself and diligently ask from my body, to keep my bowel under control for a couple of seconds, while on my way to toilet, fearing a public leakage scene, especially at work.
As my body kept playing games with me, I now have to wait for my bowel to decide to open its valves, or maybe not yet, 15 minutes already and it just feels it’s so close yet so far to be delivered. A time for meditation and self reflection you might say. It is not!
The toilet became my special cry room, where I could silently scream about my distress and pain.
I feel confined yet at ease…
I usually keep a straight if not a smiley face in my way to the toilet, but as I get in and close the door, I feel like the tin veil covering my sadness was turn apart and into tiny pieces.
I feel confined yet at ease, having a short period of time with nobody around paying attention to me, and especially, I don’t have to force myself to act and pretend that everything is fine, especially when my body and especially brain starts to lag and wonder in a thick fog.
Those short and quick escapes at the toilet help me evacuate some pressure not only on my bowl but also on my mind. In fact, I appreciate those moment of solitude and escapade.
That’s it for today, my bowel emitting some emergency signals. Euhumm!
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