Haven’t you ever felt the urge, the need to scream and express to the world, how you feel about MS? Wasn’t you looking for some support to break free from those heavy feelings of despair and lost? Yet, you didn’t tell many about your MS, neither did I. But why?
I do regard my MS as a Top Secret information, worthy of high level of secrecy. A secret to disclose only to a few, if necessary. That said, whenever I try to figure out, why I keep my MS as a secret from people around me, I face two significant barriers: understanding and trust.
I never heard about MS, until I received my diagnosed, back in 2012. I acknowledge that grasping the MS mechanism and treatments, took me sometime to fully comprehend. As I do admit, that some of those few, I divulged my secret to, in the early days, kinda forgot about it in a while, which, I somehow appreciate now.
I’m just exaggerating, and should get a hold on myself, they said.
I had to refrain from talking about MS as a potentially disabling disease, while I’m still standing, walking and acting as normal as anyone around me. It didn’t feel real or genuine, in the eyes of those people, since everything seems “normal”.
I’m just exaggerating, and should get a hold on myself, they said.
I do admit nevertheless, that a pessimist vision of tomorrow, could have affected my judgment and my “MS Reveal” presentation. Yet, I noticed that those who knew about MS in general, were much more attentive and understanding. A conclusion that enriched my feeling of trust towards them.
The trust that they won’t see me as fragile or weak, or needy for any preferential treatment.
My “MS Reveal” became an interesting factor for me to identify the people I consider trustworthy. A subjective judgment you might say, and I concede to that. I don’t feel comfortable talking about my MS to anyone, just because they are a member of the family, an old school friend or a coworker.
I sincerely want to avoid being interrogated about my MS condition…
As long as that person is not affected directly by my MS, I don’t see any valuable reason for them to know about it. I sincerely want to avoid being interrogated about my MS condition next time we’ll meet or talk to each other.
I also consider, that everyone of us got their own issues and struggles and living with MS doesn’t give me any special right or attention, but some understanding and comprehension are always welcome, especially from those I consider trustworthy.
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